The 10 Reasons Why You Know a Movie Will Be a Bomb

by Paul Cassese

10. You’ve been seeing the trailer for the past 6 months.

9. It’s about family members going home for the holidays.

8. The female lead’s best friend is an African American woman or a gay man.

7. There’s a scene where anywhere from 2 to 6 characters dance to a Motown song.

6. Diane Keaton stars as a divorced mother with at least one daughter, most likely two, and very possibly three, and it takes place in Connecticut!

5. The trailer contains at least two of these phrases: 1. “inspired” by a true story, 2. against all odds, 3. with nothing left to lose.

4. It’s the 3rd film in the series, or the 4th or 5th or in Rocky’s case the 25th.

3. It’s about animals who talk and venture on a perilous journey to save the day.

2. It’s based on a Jane Austin novel but Keira Knightley is not in it. (Has that ever happened?)

1. It stars Diane Lane as a middle aged woman looking for Love in NYC, Tuscany, North Carolina, - oh, you pick the place!

A former teacher of English Literature, Paul J. Cassese taught in the NYC school system for more than thirty years. Paul enjoyed taking the wonderful film courses of Richard Brown and Scott Siegel, and is excited about his new role as an online film reviewer. Going to the movies has been a passion of Paul’s since boyhood. Paul thanks his dad for passing that on to him.
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Comments

Mona Hollander said on October 10, 2008

 

That’s hysterical, Paul. Thanks once again, for saving me money on future films! HGa! Ha! Good job!!!!

ilene bauer said on October 14, 2008

 

i look forward to everything you write, paul! very clever, amusing and 100% accurate! thanks for the laughs on this one.

don friedman said on November 30, 2008

 

To say you are clever would be an understatement. Why don’t you write a book, I like your style.

Sharon Elster said on December 3, 2008

 

Right on the money, Paul. Your 10 reasons are exactly why people say “They don’t make movies like they used to”. I might add they don’t make actors like they used to either.

Seniors, speak up! Let us know what you think.

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